11.24.09

Dear Rachel Dratch,

A couple things. First, I just ate a bag of popcorn. I should not eat corn. But it was calling me, especially after reading this article. If you read it it should not make sense why I ate the popcorn. But I love that stuff, and it does not love me. I need to throw out the other bag.

I recently downloaded the T-Pain app for my phone. Having never been a real fan of his (I did try to love "In Love With A Stripper" but I hate strippers), I was intrigued by the autotune part of the program. We've been having fun recording impromptu songs about the dogs or making rice--all over original beats provided by T-Pain. I have since tried to record other original songs, including love songs and ballads and today, rap.

First, I just started singing into the phone, something to the tune of "Tea for Two". That did not sound like a hit in the making, so I proceeded to check out the original T-Pain songs that came with the program. But before I did this I recorded the first verse of Salt-n-Pepa's "Shoop". Apparently I did not need the autotune there because there were no effects on the recording, which really takes all the fun out of it! The program includes his hits "Stipper" and some other random joints. I picked "Stripper" to try. I used the intro to just say "Yeah yeah You haven't heard it like this before" a couple times. The words were coming up on the screen, but I couldn't bring myself to talk to some lady about her thighs, and I couldn't keep up. At all.

Then the verse started. I know it seems like this is a bit of a slow song, but the verses are very quick, don't make sense, and don't rhyme. They are basically him just kind of talking fast, but not in a rap kind of way, just in a weird way. I could not keep up so I ended up doing some jazz runs and some scat-style vocal noises. Needless to say, I did not make a very convincing cover of "In Love With A Stripper".

It seems like nearly anyone these days can just crank out a hit about anything. Maybe I'm just stifling myself and my creativity. The song about rice was kind of hot. But I am no T-Pain.

Jon

11.5.2009

Dear Rachel Dratch,

I have spent the last month entirely ignoring writing. I've realized that over the course of my life there have been times that I go completely under the radar, I go underground. You won't hear from me for between four and six weeks unless you call me. For some reason, I don't respond to emails or voicemails, I don't call anyone, either. Most of the time these weird periods are probably prompted by something, I couldn't tell you what, though.

In early August I got fired. It was both the most incredible thing and the most shaming thing to happen. I was excited because my job had grown stale, and my full growth had been reached, and sometimes I need a swift kick to the pants to get my shit together and get moving. But being fired also made me feel real bad. It was like all the possible negative things I thought about myself were true. I did the whole DABDA grief thing--denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance (this is where my degree in psychology comes into play). And now I'm back.

As it turns out, the place where I worked before loved me, as have all the other places I've ever worked. They took me back immediately. So during the past few weeks, I've been working hard and doing it BIG. I've been listening to a lot of Whitney and Janet--and not just new stuff. I've been taking it way back, to "Whitney" and "janet." I have found myself thinking to myself, "Geez. Music was so good back then. What has happened!?" I think my coot-ish tendencies are beginning to emerge. Okay, some of them are not new. Just the other night we were folding sheets and I said, "This is how we do it. Like this!" And I was only half-joking. I like to think I'm pretty laid back about many a thing, but there are some things, like the folding of things, where I get a little crazy. We all have our something.

This past weekend we had a great time in San Francisco. I saw our friends Laura and Maura, who are always fourteen barrels of laughs. Both my abs and my cheeks were sore from all the laughing. When we got there, we skipped the hotel and went immediately to dinner. Seeing them sitting there at the bar, as we walked by, was so exciting! We hadn't seen each other since May or so, and it was just like no time had happened. None of us are from San Fran, so we were all kind of crazy being in this new place. But all of us getting together, I think, brought us all a sort of gravity that allowed us to feel comfortable in this weird place.

I realized that I may be staunchly East Coast. Sorry Snoop. San Francisco is a beautiful city, no doubt. But at the same time, I'm a little like "What does it have that I can't get without a seven hour plane ride?" What it had was Maura and Laura, and we will go anywhere for them!

As I'm writing this, I am feeling a little like I don't know where this is going. I should go get ready, get this day moving. Don't expect the next break to be as long as the last one. For reals.

Adios por ahora.

Jon