When I was younger, I would say that I was a betting man. And by that I mean that I would bet God. I remember always trying to broker a deal so that I could get what I wanted. It was probably all the Catholic school boy in me that gave me the idea that all I had to do to get the latest and freshest Nike basketball shoes was to ask the Lord in prayer.
The betting with Jesus became something that extended beyond prayer. There was a while where I was convinced that I was going to make the basketball team. I had not touched a basketball until I was about 13, but I figured, Hey I can totally do this. I didn't know that the other dudes my age had already been playing in leagues for five years or so. I kept trying to make the team up through ninth grade. That was when I finally threw the towel in. There was no more, "Jesus, if I make ten free throws in a row I will make the basketball team, okay?" I don't think I ever made that many because I wasn't really good. I mean, I could hang when playing against my dad and sister, but against those dudes at school, I stood no chance as a short tub of Country Crock.
My sister and I would have the most insane fights whenever we would ball. I was convinced I was a sort of Dikembe Mutumbo/Karl Malone style guy--I could just throw my elbows any-which-way and she would have to get out of my way. I never really meant to throw my elbows, but she would tell this story very differently. She would often defend against me with one arm across her chest, defending herself from my bows, and the other arm in the air to try and deflect my Sky Hook. We would end up fighting about somebody fouling somebody else, or even, "Can't you please just back the fuck up for a second so I can try to shoot something? This is just play, it's not serious!" And then after yelling this as a ten-year-old, she would hurl the basketball across the street and into the poison ivy laden woods. This was the worst. Neither one of us was particularly outdoorsy, so it was always a real pain to have to go into the woods and fish out the ball. There was some sort of big pipe, too, that would expel gross watery stuff into the woods and it was no fun when the ball landed there.
I never much prayed or made bets when playing against my sister. I mean, I look back on those times and am glad neither one of us ended up with too much damage done. The betting would come sometimes, too, when I would be up on the computer, listening to Janet's "The Velvet Rope," working on my websites, chatting with foreign weirdos in Janet chatrooms, and playing solitaire.
The memories that are left over from middle school and early high school are sort of vague now. Or I have made them vague in my mind to make myself feel better. I would spend hours on the computer before it really became something to do. And I would love to play solitaire. I have loved computer solitaire since the day my parents bought us our first computer and all it had was solitaire and Paint. What could kids do on computers in 1991? There were no programs out, so we just played fake cards and drew weird things. My love of solitaire continued through adolescence and continues today. It is a part of my morning routine most days, sipping on my coffee, playing some solitaire.
I remember making bets with God with solitaire, too. "If I win this game, God, will you please send me a pair of Air Max 95s." I was kind of convinced that God would deliver me some fly sneakers if all I did was ask for them and win at solitaire. Maybe it was the teachers at my Catholic school, or maybe it was just me being crazy, but I thought that if I just asked God for something it would just show up. And this was even as a sort of twelve year old. I never had anything to support it, and I never had any of these things magically appear. But there was a period where I really thought that if I just asked God for something, I'd get it.
They told us that if we were good and did right by other people, and were nice, blah blah, that God would provide. And damn it, I wanted shoes most of the time. I wasn't nice to people with the intention of God giving some sneakers because I am generally a nice person. But I saw it more as a perk of being nice, it just came along with the ooey gooey nice feeling you get. But I knew I had to put in a little more work to make sure God delivered, and I think that's where the solitaire came in.
I'm not sure where I got the idea from, but I still sometimes will make bets when playing solitaire. Well, not really bets but something like, "I will get up and do some laundry if I win this game." Or, "If I win this game, I will get up and get a refill of my coffee." Nothing real serious, and nothing involving God or Nikes. There was just something I took from school that told me that I just needed to do something, anything and God would deliver. We would learn all about saints and good people, and they'd be covering their faces in pepper and doing lots of crying and carrying on, and they got miracles. That translated in my head to become me winning a game of solitaire or making ten free throws in a row, and my miracle would happen, too. And that miracle wasn't curing blindness or making cripples walk. My miracle was a pair of Nike Air Uptempos, and as a crazy twelve year old, I didn't think that was too much to ask.
Jon
