Dear Rachel Dratch,
I'm making another bag of popcorn. Don't judge me.
My job has me helping people find clothes that fit them and that they love. A personal shopper if you will, and you must because that is my official name. I am also responsible for having in-store events where small and large groups come in and spend their money. Tonight we have some folks coming in, and they're looking for clothes that are interview appropriate.
We were told to dress business casual. I completely understand what that means, I used to be an office plebe. I would spice it up by sometimes throwing on some Jack Purcells with my wool pants. But I also understand how to dress for interviews because I have had both interviews and got jobs from these interviews. I was instructed by the lady who dresses our mannequins that I might not want to wear my slim pants. As she said this, she looked down at my pants and added, "No denim either."
I wasn't sure how to take this. Most people appreciate my sartorial choices. I also feel like we all express ourselves through our clothes, and I sort of refuse to feed into white men's conventions of workplace dressing. I didn't say any of this. Instead I said, "Oh ok. What should I wear?" Little did I know, this question would send me into a tailspin that would plague me the rest of the day.
Generally, I feel confident when I get dressed. And clearly, someone else does too if they hired me to outfit people for a living, right? Something about what this lady said made me feel a little out of it, like "Do I really know what business casual means? Do I actually have clothes that would reflect this?" To me, I don't think about calling a style of dressing anything other than "Look fly". I would say that is my style mantra. I'm not trying to do "cocktail casual," "white tie," or "southern gentleman chic".
Ok, so I decided that maybe I should get some pants that are not so skinny. I don't do the kind of pants that are more like leggings or running tights, but I do have a number of skinny pants. Interestingly enough, I have been considering filtering in a few more slim but not skinny styles back into my repertoire so I saw this as an opportunity to get something new that clearly reflected something missing from my wardrobe. And we got these new navy chinos in last week, and there was only one pair in my size.
Clearly, those pants were mine. But then I figured since I was sort of doing some shopping that maybe I should take advantage of my discount and get a shirt or two. This is where it got a little insane. I thought I wanted one shirt, then I found this other one. Then I thought maybe I only want one, then I thought well you need to treat yourself sometime, you've been working hard. Then I thought, well I don't really need any of these shirts and then I put them back. Then I grabbed them again and went to the register.
I was not done wavering. Not having a job will really make you question what you spend your money on. I really enjoy eating and paying my bills, so it makes sense that that is where my money has gone the past few months. I stood there at the register for a few more minutes deciding whether I needed all of this or none of this. I waited for it all to get rung up to decide that I only wanted the pants. That was fair, I really do have quite a few shirts and these new ones I was thinking about are mere clones of things I already own. Then the idea popped into my head that maybe I should go check out the Polo kids section at a department store and see if I could get some kind of deal. I had some money burning a hole in my pocket, and it was starting to hurt. Hurt bad.
The kids section clearly speaks my language. After buying the children's t-shirt a few months ago, I was convinced that maybe I could fit back into kid sizes again. Why not save myself a few bucks and get a better fit? What didn't seem to click is that it still costs money to buy clothes, whether they are for children or not. I feel like that thought didn't enter my head because I was still reeling a little from that weird interaction with the lady that made me feel like a frump or something.
I found one shirt that I loved, I tried it on and bought it. I walked around a little more, in a sort of daze kind of like, "Um, what the fuck is going on!?" This happened another time when I was pulling into a parking place and I was feeling a little sleepy. There was something about the intoxicating feeling of the heat in my car and the fact that I was real sleepy that had me end up running into the car next to the spot I wanted to park in. Here, that intoxicating feeling made me buy this child's size shirt. I will say that it did fit, but that is beside the point.
When I made it out into the parking lot, but before I got into the car and hit anything, I decided to just take the shirt back. I do not need any more clothes and I did not get that good of a deal. I told the guy that I found something else. It was the same guy who rang me up just minutes before. He seemed so sad, both times. He was working all alone, and then to have one of your few sales result in a return would make me sad, too.
What may be so weird about all of this is that every day I tell people, "You should really treat yourself. Get yourself something!" And when it comes to buying things for myself, I am becoming a bit of a scrooge, when I was once Imelda Marcos. Or maybe Michael Jackson. It does have me wondering if this is a sign that I will one day end up on What Not To Wear, like all those women who dress crazy and who don't buy things for themselves, or take care of themselves. I still bathe and regularly get a haircut! And I still have clothes that look good. I won't end up on that show, will I?
No. It's just really hot in here and I need nap.
Hope you are well.
Jon
